|
|
| The
Lampoonery Home | Menu | What's new | Ad parodies | Lampoonery Times | Store | Leftovers | Feedback |
BURGER WARS A couple of weeks ago in a restaurant far, far away... |
||
| Welcome to another exciting
issue of "Burger Wars." As you remember from our last installment, the raw recruits at Burger Academy had completed their basic training and been shipped out to reinforce the grizzled veterans at a Burgerland outpost. This month, we'll see if they can cut the mustard without getting themselves in a pickle. Read on: |
 |
|
 |
THE SUN STOOD LOW IN THE SKY as Assistant Manager
Rusty Denton strode purposefully across the tarmac toward the restaurant. The air was
brisk and a slight breeze lifted a sweet-smelling wisp of smoke from the rooftop grease
vent. "I love the smell of burgers in the morning," she thought. It was a good
day for a mission, a good day for victory. She addressed the group through the headset com system: "Team Leader to Day Crew: Your fryers should be powered up, so let's go over the pre-lunch checklist. Condiments: Check. Buns: Check. Super Sizer: Check..." The procedure covered everything down to the allotment of six ketchup packets per order of fries. "Listen up," she continued. "We're still behind other franchisees in sales. The Skipper knows we're capable of better, so let's make him proud. And stay alert out there!" |
|
| FROM THAT POINT ON, it was touch-and-go as
the team encountered heavy customer resistance approaching noon. A clipped message rang
out: "Incoming lunch crowd at twelve-o'clock!" Rusty's job was to alert the crew
to flak in their order path and it wasn't long before she spotted a crewman in trouble. "Team Leader to Counter Person McGregor," she called. "You're over the target but customer appears indecisive. Better recommend a Value Combo and start another run." "McGregor to Team Leader: No dice, Rusty. I still owe you one for pulling me out of that Beanie Babies Kiddie Meal fiasco. I couldn't face the folks back home if I bail out this time." "Leader to McGregor: It's not worth it, Mac. That bogie's never gonna order. Break off your pursuit!" "McGregor to Leader: Your last transmission was garbled. Must be headset trouble. I'm going in." |
 |
|
 |
SUDDENLY, THERE WAS A FRANTIC CALL:
"Stinson
to Team Leader: Mayday! I've got a spilled banana shake, a sticky 'enter' key, and I'm
caught between a mother and four jelly-faced kids. They're all over me! Can't shake them.
Lost ... all ... sta-..." "Leader to Stinson: Over." Rusty was answered by only static and dead air space. The scene was one of devastation as a greasy cloud drifted over the grill and mingled with a crewman's anguished cry for pennies. "Team Leader to crew: What's going on? I want reports!" |
|
TURN THE PAGE
FOR THE EXCITING CONCLUSION
|
||
Copyright 2000 The Lampoonery. Contact us
NOTE: This site contains parody and satire and is packaged as amusingly as possible by modern writing methods. However, some settling may occur during download and product may not appear funny to the consumer.
 |
