The
Poetry Clinic
by
Austin Healy
his month, we're going to take a break
from our "Poetry Restoration Workshop" series and devote the column to answering
the mailbag. The first letter is from a reader out in Motor City, one of my favorite
towns.
QUESTION: I've been having
intermittent trouble with the following poem for about six months now. Prior to that, I
was completely happy. It was reliable and, I felt, incisive. Now, when I take it out for a
reading, sometimes it won't start. Other times, it just reads sluggishly. The thing
usually acts up at open mike nights. I thought you might give it a listen and try to
figure out the problem. - Bob S., Detroit
(UNTITLED)
"BEST COFFEE IN THE WORLD,"
brags the broad-shouldered
lunchroom coffee machine
as it slurps up dollar bills
and spits out liquid tar so foul.
It lies, but I am not deceived.
"TRY A CUP," it pleads,
in fluorescent letters
glowing green.
Unpersuaded, I remain,
as the coffee shop I seek,
for I know the truth.
ANSWER: Well, Bob, I think this is
potentially a classic piece of free verse, but it sounds like you've got something
rattling around in the lower half, possibly your ninth line.
The
first thing you're going to have to do is pull off the opening and disassemble the whole
thing. Best tool for the job would be a standard word processing program, if you have
access to one. If not, a typewriter will do. Be careful, though. There's a lot of tension
in the phrasing. You've got to watch that the rest of the thing doesn't come flying apart.
Next,
insert a new long line right down the throat. If it were my poem, I'd try at least an
eight-word line. Be sure to replace the lines in the proper order and reset the timing
when you're done or this baby will shake itself to pieces.
QUESTION:
I picked up the following poem used. At the time I found it, it was sitting on a shelf in
a friend's garage - unused and barely readable - under a stack of dusty old MODERN
POETRY magazines. It had about 278 readings on it and the title was shot but it looked
like something that, with a little work, might do well on the literary zine circuit. I
bought it for a song, then put about 150 hours into restoring it. First, I renamed it,
then rebuilt the whole upper stanza and jacked up the aesthetics by installing indents on
lines 5-7 and 10-12. Now, it looks and sounds great but I detect some slippage around line
eight. What gives? Is there too much wear on the break between stanzas? - Jake R.,
Dearborn
CONFRONTATION
I sit alone at a table
in some no-name
cappuccino emporium
and stare
long,
glassy eyed,
mute,
at the muffin in front of me.
It says nothing while
quietly,
resolutely,
defiantly,
staring back.
ANSWER: Well, Jake, I'm stumped.
As you say, you've already reworked the lead stanza, which would typically be the clunker
in this situation. While there could be some trouble with excessive wear, it would be a
rarity at 278 readings. Also, some degree of slippage is normal with a muscle poem like
this. It's got a lot of attitude and likes to play by its own rules and, like any vehicle
that's nonmetrical, will tend to get away from you if you're not careful.
It
might not hurt, though, to pull line eight and try replacing the word muffin with danish.
Then, take it out for a reading and see if you still hear that problem.
