ATTENTION:
Citizens of Earth!

You are hereby served notice that this website will soon be fully operational and will become the ultimate power in this eighth of the galaxy. At that time, I will assume utter control over every aspect of your miserable existence. There is no need for panic. I will be a benevolent dictator and will endeavor to be fair and impartial. My empire will be known far and wide for having happy slaves. Anyone who is not happy will be immediately shot and then exiled to the uttermost parts of my domain.

My command will commence at 12 Noon EST on April 1, 1999. I would do it sooner, but I've got a lot of loose ends to tie up. Netscape has been causing my computer to freeze up a lot lately, so I've been having trouble creating and uploading files to my ultimate-power website. Also, my hot water heater needs its heating elements and thermostat replaced. Actually, it may only need the elements replaced, but I might as well do the thermostat while I'm at it. While I've got that access panel opened up it just makes sense to replace the thermostat too. It should be only about $15. And, after all, we are talking about a 14-year old water heater. It's bound to go sooner or later.

Nevertheless, be advised that on April 1st, I will definitely be taking over. Unless I can't get my brother to help me fix the water heater by then. In which case, I may have to move it back to April 15th. I really, really would like to take over sooner, but I've just got to get that heater fixed. You understand. It's been broken for a couple of weeks and I'm getting tired of having to heat water in saucepans every time I want to take a bath.

Within a week of assuming command, I will announce my list of lieutenants. They will be assigned charge of various countries and solar systems and other stuff like that. (I already promised the country of Liechtenstein to somebody. I just can't remember who.) One of my lieutenants is going to take charge of this whole domain-name registry business. A lot of the good names were already taken before I decided to build a site and I want to rectify that situation.

But I digress. About my plans for takeover: They may also be offset because I've got a lot of old newspapers to bundle and recycle. I've got to either pack them in old paper shopping bags or use twine. I don't think I have any twine, so I've got to use paper shopping bags. I never could understand why the trash men won't accept plastic bags. But then, I suppose that's a whole other issue. In the event of unforeseen complications, I will push back my power-assuming date to May 1, 1999. Unless I get to bed late the night before. We'll just have to wait and see. I have spoken. That is all.